ENGLISH JOKES, HUMOR & FUNNY STORIES

1. Why take unnecessary risks......!!!
   Husband & wife went to Jerusalem and the wife died there.
   Priest: "Sending her body home would cost you $10000.... but... burial here at this holy city would cost just $100".
   Man: "I'll take the body home!!!"
   Priest: "Why the costly option? You must really love your wife a lot"
   Man: "Nothing like that Father. Just that Jesus was buried here and came alive on the 3rd day...
   why take unnecessary risks......!!!
   
   
2. Johnny pays no ticket.
   John was strong built and about 8 feet tall. He stepped up in a bus. Jose, ther driver, was somehow half of John's size.
   As John stared at Joe, he said: "Johnny pays no ticket."
   Next day, John appeared again. Joe looked at him and John said: "Johnny pays no ticket."
   The third day, again John got in. The poor driver stared at John. John said: "Johnny pays no ticket."
   It was repeated for many days. Joe kept silent and continued to drive his bus.
   
   Back to his home, Joe looked at the yellow pages and enrolled himself to courses of judo ... not enough after 3 months of judo, he went to karate then taikwondo, then jiujitsu, ...
   6 months later, John came in. This time Joe stood up and told John to pay ticket.
   John said: - Johnny pays no ticket.
   - WHY?
   - John has free bus passes!
   
   
3. Black market of ...
   One day Peter from Brownsville TX, carried 2 heavy bags on his bicycle and approached to customs gate to Mexico.
   The officer on duty bombarded him with:
   - What do you carry? Contraband? Smuggling? Illegal items?
   - No, no, Sir! Only sand for my farm.
   He was let go, of course!
   
   Later on, the officer retired. One day he met Peter in town and asked him:
   - Hey man, what did you do for three years only to bring sand to Mexico?
   
   Candidly, Peter replied:
   - Well, I was smuggling second-hand bicycles!
   (Posted on Quora.com Nov 19,2022
   
   
4. Hard to wear glasses
   A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.
   A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.
   Since he wasn’t physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral.
   However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.
   One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Gunnery Sergeant for his personal staff.
   
   The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview.
   At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?”
   The Master Chief answered, “Why yes. I couldn’t help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don’t know whether this impacts your hearing on that side.”
   The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.
   
   The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, “Well yes, you seem to be short one ear.”
   The Admiral threw him out also.
   
   The third interview was with the Marine Gunnery Sergeant .
   He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together.
   The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question.
   “Do you notice anything different about me?”
   To his surprise the Gunnery Sergeant said, “Yes. You wear contact lenses.”
   The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. “And how do you know that?” the Admiral asked.
   
   The Gunny replied:
   "Well sir, it’s pretty hard to wear glasses with only one ear.”